cosine replies: "Am I that bad"

Firstly, can I say that there was no context given to the readers about why i said that you were a bad boyfriend. I guess I was most upset because it seems that I was trying really hard to try make it work, talk to you, catch up and do what normal boyfriend/girlfriends do. And all you could do is sleep on me. Sure, I understand...you're tired, tough day at work, stressed. But what about my needs? Do i sound selfish? perhaps? But I guess because sine has made the choice to move there for 6 months, his actions have consequences. I am dealing as best as i can with his choices, and him falling asleep on me does not help matter.

It's not that you don't care, but perhaps you don't care enough OR i care too much. Perhaps I should just let it drop and be grateful for the minutes you can spare me. but in my head, that is just not good enough. relationships need work, just not good intentions. as sayings go "hell is paved with good intentions". If saving the best for last is your strategy, what if the best does not want to wait? what if i would rather enjoying the best first so i get the most enjoyment at the beginning? what if i like short term gain over long term gain? what if ? i am a person who can't see the ultimate goal so clearly. i have problems setting long term goals, i need to set medium to short term goals for myself as to psyche myself to get there. i don't work on the "light at the end of the tunnel" philosophy. i want things now and now.

I say this now, that i don't care if this makes us stronger. all i want is to have a normal relationship with a boyfriend that is in the same country, in the same proximity. i dont' want to be tested. i dont' want to be more resilient. i am comfortable with being weak, needy and demanding. so maybe it is i who is the bad girlfriend. who can't see past their own needs to recognise the others. but maybe, its just because i am selfish. i want what i can't have.

i want pie. and i want to eat it now.

=cos=