cosine replies: A well of feelings"

When I first read this post, I nearly cried. Nearly, only because I was at work and did not want to explain to co-workers why I was crying and why it was over some post on some “random maths site”. The sentiments that were shared in the latest post were so heartfelt, and so tangible. I felt I was almost there. I wanted to be there…

I guess this blog is a good indicator of how our feelings develop over time. Not only tracking our history but our emotions at particular points in time. Would we have been at a different level of emotional attachment had sine not gone to Singapore? Would it be less or more? I don’t know. But seeing that sine has started to be so open with his feelings and that he is willing to share more of himself to me makes my heart glad.

I guess it’s taken awhile to get to this point. At first, I didn’t know if I could get him to open up, and be less “stoic” around me. Time and affection wore him down I think, to a point where we can now equally state our feelings without feeling embarrassed or fear of judgement. We can openly tell each other that we miss the other, and to what extent and so forth.

To be honest, pre-sine, I think I would have made gagging noises if I had heard anyone else say it. But now, that it’s true. I love it when these feelings are shared. It helps to soothe the aches of being in a long distance relationship. To have your feelings for one another affirmed and re-committed is something necessary in these cases. I guess it’s also a way we can re-connect with each other as even the power of words can travel through cyber space.

I guess we’ve learned not to take each other for granted anymore. To take notice and enjoy the little things and experiences we have with one another. So just chilling out and relaxing with one another is not boring, but an event. To be savoured and locked away in memory for a cold rainy day. I guess we’ve realised how important we are to each other and how this relationship shapes our daily moods and even our very being.

I can see a long future with sine. And I know I have said this also. So when I read the description of how it might be like, it really was so tangible. To be able to share all of life’s little pleasures with sine would be splendid. I know that it’s not an easy road to tread, it’s a change in lifestyle, and it’s a change in life actually. But I can’t think of anyone else I would want to start this journey with.

I wonder if we can take each others idiosyncrasies, bad habits, strange rituals, annoying antics. Would we be able to handle it? I don’t know. But you know what; I’d really like to find out. I’d like to find out if sine can take the fact that

• I hog the bed and am a bit of a restless sleeper
• I have a penchant for messy bathrooms and kitchens
• I can’t stand toilet seats up
• I can’t stand dishes left over night
• I can’t stand spending money on un-necessarily expensive things.

But I think I would compromise everything if I got a chance to come home to him and share my day’s journey and listen to his. Share a nice meal with a side of laughter, wind down from the hectic work day by snuggling up against one another. Watching a movie, reading to each other or just gazing into each others eyes and talking the night away. It would be nice. More than nice.

I guess I can safely say, that now that he’s so far away I can appreciate what being in a committed relationship is. It does take hard work, perseverance and faith in one another. But at the end of the day, being with him makes me happy. And its important to hang on to the things that make you happy. So I’m hanging on for dear life.